Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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