what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
