i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
