It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
