you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
