Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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