just tell him i said nine months
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize