I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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