Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
