How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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