I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
