remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
