I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
