DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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