i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
