Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
