I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
