Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
