Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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