be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize