so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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