my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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