Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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