HIV tests are more positive than that guy
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize