I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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