If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
