Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
