they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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