Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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