I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
