on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
