everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
