it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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