Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
