hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
