I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
