the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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