so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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