Kiss
Puke
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
