I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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