I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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