Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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