a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're a waste of cheezeits
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
