I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
