I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize