Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she smelled like a LAN party
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
