She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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