Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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