my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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