So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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