omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
