i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
