she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
