I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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