Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
