i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
