Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this just has baby written all over it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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