I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
