my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
