Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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