don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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