***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
