I wish I could punch you in the face.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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