My balls are so social today.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
