i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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