$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
