so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
