I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
