I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
