I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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