he shaved USA in his pubs
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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