I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
