i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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