Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
