He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
